101 Hilarious Statler and Waldorf Quotes!

If you’re a fan of The Muppet Show, you probably have love for Statler and Waldorf. These two old-timers are known for their hilarious remarks from their balcony seats.

In this article, you’ll get 101 of the best Statler and Waldorf quotes.

These quotes are guaranteed to bring a smile to your face, and maybe even inspire a little friendly banter in your own life.

101 Best Statler and Waldorf Quotes

“Well, that was different… terrible, but different.”
“Why do we always come here? I guess we’ll never know.”
“Just when you think this show is terrible, something wonderful happens… it ends.”
“Do you believe in life after death? Every time I leave this theatre, I feel like I’ve died.”
“The only thing better than this show is a nap.”
“That was a great number! I loved every minute of it! I must have missed the rest.“
“They call that entertainment? I’ve seen better performances in my dentist’s office.”
“Well, I laughed, I cried… I needed a nap.”
“I can’t believe I paid to see this. Oh wait, I didn’t.”
“If I could talk to the animals… I’d tell them to stop watching this show.”
“He’s got the voice of an angel! Too bad the angel is tone-deaf.”
“I’d give that performance a standing ovation, but I’m too tired to stand.”
“You think the show is bad now? Wait ‘til next week!”
“That performance was so bad, it should come with a warning label.”
“This show is like a train wreck… you can’t look away, but you wish you could.”
“Do you ever get the feeling this show is going nowhere? Good, it’s not just me!”
“That wasn’t half bad. No, it was all bad.”
“I haven’t laughed this hard since I stubbed my toe.”
“Well, that wasn’t the worst performance I’ve seen… today.”
“That act was a tough pill to swallow… and now I have indigestion.”
“I’d say that act was awful, but that would be a compliment.”
“I think that performance set a new low.”
“Is it over yet? No? Oh, I was hoping.”
“That was the best nap I’ve had in weeks.”
“I’ve seen better acting from a sack of potatoes.”
“That song made me wish I was hard of hearing.”
“I came in with low expectations, and I’m still disappointed.”
“I think they just invented a new genre: bad entertainment.”
“That wasn’t music to my ears… it was noise to my brain.”
“I haven’t seen something that bad since I looked in the mirror this morning.”
“If this show were any slower, it would be moving backward.”
“That performance was the theatrical equivalent of a yawn.”
“The best part about that act was when it ended.”
“I’d applaud, but my hands refuse to participate.”
“That performance was so dull, I forgot I was awake.”
“I’ve had more fun watching paint dry.”
“I’d say that show was a knockout, but it knocked me out cold!”
“I haven’t been this bored since the last time I saw this show.”
“That song was so flat, even the stage was embarrassed.”
“I was hoping for a standing ovation, but sitting seems safer.”
“That performance wasn’t half bad… it was all bad!”
“Well, they say laughter is the best medicine… this show must be a placebo.”
“I’d tell you how bad that was, but words fail me.”
“This show could put a cup of coffee to sleep.”
“I came to be entertained, and all I got was a headache.”
“I wouldn’t say that act was horrible… but I also wouldn’t say it was good.”
“I laughed, I cried… and then I cried some more.”
“If that’s entertainment, I’d hate to see what they call torture.”
“That performance was so bad, I almost missed the commercials.”
“I’ve heard a better sound from a car alarm.”
“If I wanted to be bored, I’d watch paint dry.”
“That act took my breath away… but not in a good way.”
“I’ve seen better acts in a circus.”
“That performance was like a bad dream, except I couldn’t wake up.”
“I came in with low expectations, and they still managed to disappoint me.”
“That act was so bad, even the crickets stopped chirping.”
“I’d give them a round of applause, but I left my hands at home.”
“That performance was the best cure for insomnia I’ve ever seen.”
“I’ve heard more enthusiasm from a robot.”
“If that was talent, I’m a flying pig.”
“I didn’t think this show could get any worse, but here we are.”
“That performance made me long for the days of silence.”
“I’ve had more fun at the dentist.”
“That was a performance for the ages… the Stone Ages.”
“If boredom were an Olympic sport, that act would win gold.”
“I’m not saying it was bad, but I’d rather watch grass grow.”
“That act was like a rollercoaster… except without the fun.”
“I’d say that was a train wreck, but that would be unfair to train wrecks.”
“That performance was like a bad movie: too long and not enough action.”
“I’ve seen better choreography from a toddler.”
“That act was so slow, I had time to take a nap and still didn’t miss anything.”
“I’ve seen rocks with more personality.”
“That performance was so bad, it’s almost impressive.”
“I’d give them an award… for worst act of the night.”
“I didn’t think it could get worse, but they proved me wrong.”
“That act was like watching a paint-by-numbers kit: uninspired and boring.”
“I’d give that performance a standing ovation, but my legs refuse.”
“That act was so bad, even the audience left early.”
“I’d rather be anywhere else right now.”
“I’ve had more fun at a root canal.”
“That act was the best cure for insomnia I’ve ever seen.”
“I haven’t been this bored since last Tuesday.”
“That act was so bad, even the crickets stopped chirping.”
“I’d give them a round of applause, but I left my hands at home.”
“That performance was a snooze fest!”
“I’ve seen better acting from sock puppets.”
“If that’s entertainment, I’d hate to see what boredom looks like.”
“That act was so bad, even the lights dimmed themselves.”
“I’d rather watch a rerun of a bad sitcom.”
“That performance was like a bad joke: it fell flat.”
“I’d say it was a disaster, but that would be an understatement.”
“I haven’t laughed this hard at something this bad in years.”
“That act was so bad, I almost walked out.”
“I’d give that performance a thumbs up, but my thumbs are too disappointed.”
“That was the longest five minutes of my life.”
“If I had a dollar for every bad act, I’d be rich by now.”
“I’d say that act was a letdown, but I wasn’t expecting much.”
“That performance was the definition of ‘meh’.”
“I’d give that act a gold star… for worst performance.”
“That was so bad, it’s almost impressive.”
“I’m not saying it was bad, but I’d rather watch paint dry.”

Conclusion

These were 101 of the best Statler and Waldorf quotes!

Whether you’re a fan of their humour or just love a good sarcastic remark, you can’t deny that these two have mastered the art of banter.

Next time you need a laugh or want to throw some playful shade, feel free to borrow one of these quotes. After all, Statler and Waldorf never hold back, and neither should you!

Now it’s your turn! Which of these quotes is your favourite? Let me know which one made you laugh the hardest or reminded you of a moment in your own life.

Either way, you’re sure to find something to love in these timeless one-liners from The Muppet Show’s most legendary hecklers.

Also read – 61 Brutal Thanos quotes!